This afternoon, I picked up my mail and I glanced at the cover of my beloved New York magazine. On the cover, there was a picture of a woman holding a baby. It stated I Love My Children. I Hate My Life. Why does study after study show that having kids makes people less happy? The Misery of the American Parent… Well, that was a nice pick-me-up on a sweltering hot day…not.
Although the cover was a bit sensationalized, the article by Jennifer Senior was actually pretty interesting and shared some great ideas for political change to improve the lives of parents. You can read it at “All Joy and No Fun” Why Parents Hate Parenting over at nymag.com and make your own conclusions. However, the question that kept popping in my head before, during and after reading the piece was “Who ever said that it was a kid’s “job” to make their parents happy? I mean, really….do people enter into having kids thinking that it’s going to be all fun and games? Yes, the act of parenting brings on a whole new slew of challenges (fears that you never had before; relationship challenges – with your spouse and circle of friends; having to think about what school district you live in; family-friendly career changes; and let’s not even get started on the financial sacrifices – yep, they are little money pits; etc., etc.) But you know what…who cares? What they add (to my life anyway) is so much more. It is an amazing gift to be a mom. The opportunity to look at life through my sons’ awe-struck first glance view is priceless. The unexpected hugs and kisses….and is there anything more beautiful than your own sleeping child? I would say, no. Of course these things (and the many other similar ones) that make parenting so worthwhile are not tangible. It would be difficult to quantify them and put them as a multiple choice answers on any survey, but that doesn’t make them any less real.
Perhaps we need to rephrase the question which the New York Magazine article touches on a bit. My kids have many little “jobs”. It is their job to pick up after themselves, to be respectful, to give their best effort in the classes that they take, etc. However, it is not and will never be their job to make me happy (or more happy). If people go into parenting thinking that their kids will make them happy, then they are setting themselves up to be hugely disappointed in my opinion. In fact, I think that it is a little crazy (as in it’s not going to happen) for a person to expect any other person (friend, spouse, etc.) to make them consistently happier, but that’s another topic. I’m all for happiness, but I don’t think that the goal of life is to be in that perpetual state. Let’s be honest…it’s not always fun when you need to put the needs of someone else above your own wants (like parents tend to do for their kids) but that’s the choice we make. Besides, I have a boat load of friends (single and married) who would give anything to have kids. Perspective…
Enough about my ideas…what are your thoughts about kids and parental happiness?
