For those of us who celebrate Easter, the holiday falls late this year – on April 24th. That is good in a way, because it gives me extra time to think of some great Easter recipe ideas.

I asked my great friend Mike who is a professional chef to do a “Cooking With My Friends” segment with me this month. To my delight, he agreed. We are going to cook together next week, but I need help deciding what to make. (He has worked for some of the top hotels and restaurants in the city, so he can cook almost everything.) I think that since it is Passover and Easter this month, that we should cook a related main course.

My question is: “What should I cook with Mike?” We’re thinking of cooking lamb, but I’m open to other suggestions. Is there anything special that you would love to learn how to cook for the upcoming holiday season (main courses or sides)? Let me know and I’ll see what I can do…

Several of my friends have mentioned going apple picking near NYC. I’m going with a group of family and friends in a couple of weeks, so I have been asking my friends and family for orchard suggestions. Below are the top seven suggestions:

1. Mom in the City reader Sandra Polanco recommends Barton Orchards. “(They have) hayrides, apples, pumpkin patch, playground, petting zoo, place to eat, and delish apple donuts!! You can also pick peppers, tomatoes, etc. We had a blast.”

2. Parenting blogger Mitch picks DePiero’s Country Farm. “This is on my list, we went 3 weeks ago and traveled too far. We hope to go back here for pumpkins, it is 45 minutes away.”

3. Mom blogger Lisa Perez (along with another personal friend) suggests Dubois Farms. “I like Dubois Farms in Highland, NY. “(It’s) not so commercialized like some I know.” You can actually read Lisa’s thoughts more in-depth on her post about apple picking at Dubois Farms.

4. Mom blogger Renee Smith raves about Wilkens Farm. “Beautiful, does not feel at all like an apple picking factory; homemade donuts and candy and stuff, and hay rides.” were some of the things that she loved about the farm.

5. Another Mom in the City reader, Mandy, sang the praises of Applewood Orchards & Winery. I asked her if it was easy to get to the site from the city and if she would recommend it for a group outing. Her response: “(It’s) extremely easy to get to, same exit as Woodbury Commons and about 10-15 min once you exit. For the toddler set it is PERFECT as they have “miniature apple trees”in some sections that are their height and the full grown apples are the size of their palms. LOTS of toddlers were having a blast picking their own apples and parents were thrilled they didn’t have to lift them up. Well taken care of orchard, NO BEES! I recommend it for the toddler to 10 year old set. They would enjoy the marionette/face painting/folky band, etc. My early 13 year old ended up having a good time (much to my surprise!), but I don’t think he would have had a good time if it was a bunch of his friends. Great for a family outing. Oh yeah, they have their own vineyard, so we had a good time sampling wines!”

Other offline friends recommended the following two farms/orchards that they visited with their families this year:
6. Terhune Orchards in Princeton, NJ

7. Masker Orchards in Warwick, NY also received high praises for being less commercial than other local produce farms (although it is not organic).

I compiled the list and gave it to my husband with my top two picks. Our final pick ended up being Dubois Farms. I think that the barbecue lunch is what tipped the hat in their favor. With my husband, it’s (almost) all about the food! We’re planning on going with a group of folks on October 24th, so I’ll let you know how it goes. (You’re welcome to come along!)

Other posts that might be of interest regarding apple picking orchards and farms in the NYC area can be found at:
-CBS New York Local
-TONY Kids
-Babble (Congrats to Carol on her new gig over at Babble!)

That’s it on my end. Did I miss any other noteworthy farms/orchards that your family has visited that are within a couple of hours of NYC?

(Top Photo Credit: Tehrune Orchards)

This afternoon, I picked up my mail and I glanced at the cover of my beloved New York magazine. On the cover, there was a picture of a woman holding a baby. It stated I Love My Children. I Hate My Life. Why does study after study show that having kids makes people less happy? The Misery of the American Parent… Well, that was a nice pick-me-up on a sweltering hot day…not.

Although the cover was a bit sensationalized, the article by Jennifer Senior was actually pretty interesting and shared some great ideas for political change to improve the lives of parents. You can read it at “All Joy and No Fun” Why Parents Hate Parenting over at nymag.com and make your own conclusions. However, the question that kept popping in my head before, during and after reading the piece was “Who ever said that it was a kid’s “job” to make their parents happy? I mean, really….do people enter into having kids thinking that it’s going to be all fun and games? Yes, the act of parenting brings on a whole new slew of challenges (fears that you never had before; relationship challenges – with your spouse and circle of friends; having to think about what school district you live in; family-friendly career changes; and let’s not even get started on the financial sacrifices – yep, they are little money pits; etc., etc.) But you know what…who cares? What they add (to my life anyway) is so much more. It is an amazing gift to be a mom. The opportunity to look at life through my sons’ awe-struck first glance view is priceless. The unexpected hugs and kisses….and is there anything more beautiful than your own sleeping child? I would say, no. Of course these things (and the many other similar ones) that make parenting so worthwhile are not tangible. It would be difficult to quantify them and put them as a multiple choice answers on any survey, but that doesn’t make them any less real.

Perhaps we need to rephrase the question which the New York Magazine article touches on a bit. My kids have many little “jobs”. It is their job to pick up after themselves, to be respectful, to give their best effort in the classes that they take, etc. However, it is not and will never be their job to make me happy (or more happy). If people go into parenting thinking that their kids will make them happy, then they are setting themselves up to be hugely disappointed in my opinion. In fact, I think that it is a little crazy (as in it’s not going to happen) for a person to expect any other person (friend, spouse, etc.) to make them consistently happier, but that’s another topic. I’m all for happiness, but I don’t think that the goal of life is to be in that perpetual state. Let’s be honest…it’s not always fun when you need to put the needs of someone else above your own wants (like parents tend to do for their kids) but that’s the choice we make. Besides, I have a boat load of friends (single and married) who would give anything to have kids. Perspective…

Enough about my ideas…what are your thoughts about kids and parental happiness?

My month of July is going to be super full in a good way. While making preparations for the two camps that I will be administering in August, I will be hosting a couple of events for NYC area bloggers; going to Sunnyvale, California for a few days as part of the YAHOO! Mother Board and coordinating a Single Women’s sponsored event at my church for 200+ women. Whew! That doesn’t mean that I won’t be taking time out to enjoy the wonderful city that I live in though. Below are ten things that I put on my personal “Summer Fun” list a couple of weeks ago:

1. See Despicable Me with the family. (Check.)

2. Go golfing at Flushing Meadows Mini Golf. Michael has been wanting to go golfing and this course is near where we live, so it should be fun.

3. Visit The Highline. I have heard several parents rave about this newly developed area. A couple of family friends live nearby, so that will make a great playdate.

4. Take advantage of some of the amazing FREE events that take place in the city all summer long. There is absolutely no reason to be stuck inside during the summer. Back when Mom in the City was a website many moons ago, I had compiled a great list of FREE things to do in the city (Beaches & Pools, Bike Trails, Bookstores, Gardens & Zoos, Libraries, Miscellaneous, Museums, Nature Centers, Parks & Playgrounds and Sports). It’s still online if you go here. Simply click on each category to the left (don’t click the top tabs). It’s still a really great resource! (Since I haven’t updated it, definitely call ahead before you go to one of the spots.)

5. Visit Coney Island with the family. It’s less than 2 hours away and I want to go to the new Luna Park with the family. I think that the kids will enjoy the kiddie rides.

6. Visit Imagination Playground when it opens later this month. It just so happens that I will be hosting a mom blogger event there, so this will be an easy one to complete!

7. Visit Upstairs at the Kimberly. (Check.) I still might want to go back with a bunch of my girlfriends though.

8. Watch Toy Story 3. Based on the reactions of friends who have already seen the movie, I will be prepared to cry.

9. Have the kids watch the new Karate Kid movie. (Check. They saw it today with Reggie and loved it. Of course, they came home and wouldn’t let me rest until we “karate-fought” for about half an hour. Thanks Jackie Chan!)

and

10. Visit the weekend Carnival at Bowlmor. For some reason, it just looks like a lot of fun and I think that my family will enjoy it.

I will stop there for now. We won’t be doing a whole lot of family travel this summer because I need to stay nearby for camp work. The great thing though is that the entire family will probably get to go to the camps (one in upstate New York, the other in Pennsylvania) with me in August. My guys will love that!

That’s it for me. How about you? What are you looking forward to doing this summer?

This morning, I received the following email from a Mom in the City reader/friend:

Hi,
How you doing? I made a trip to London (United Kingdom)
unannounced some days back, Unfortunately i got mugged at gun point
last night! All cash, Credit card and phone were stolen, i got messed
up in another country, stranded in London, fortunately passport was
back in our hotel room. It was a bitter experience and i was hurt on
my right hand, but would be fine. I am sending you this message cos i
don’t want anyone to panic, i want you to keep it that way for now!
My return flight leaves in few hours but I’m having troubles sorting
out the hotel bills, wondering if you could loan me some money to sort
out the hotel bills and also take a cab to the airport about ($1,850).
I have been to the police and embassy here, but they aren’t helping
issues, I have limited means of getting out of here, i have canceled
my cards already and made a police report, I won’t get a new card
number till I get back home! So i really need your help.

*(Name of friend)…

This didn’t sound right, so I emailed my friend back to make sure that it wasn’t her. To my surprise, I received the following response regarding whether or not she had sent the original email:

YES i did, we are not Okay right now.we need your help urgently. our flight leaves in few hours time from now ,but we are still having problem settling our hotel bill.pls we don’t want to miss our flight. the kids are still feeling the shock.

Get back to me with the details..the hotel manager won’t let me leave until i settle the hotel bills,you can speak with him through this number +44 702 406 3825 +44 702 406 3825.I’m freaked out at the moment…

So, I called my friend’s NYC number to make sure that it really wasn’t her. She answered the phone frazzled. It turns out that someone has completely hacked her account. She has been getting calls all morning from concerned family and friends. To make a bad situation worse, her email company won’t let her change her account information/password because there is a security block on her account. Meanwhile, the person who has hacked her account is freely sending and receiving messages from her account. How crazy is that? I googled “email hack” to see if I could find a way to help her out. Instead, the top listings were for companies that taught others how to hack emails. What?!

The point:

-We already know to be careful with suspicious looking emails, but it never hurts to be reminded.

And

-If you ever get an email from me requesting money (asking you to click a weird link; etc.), you can just delete it. If I ever needed to ask anyone for money, I would do it in person…or at the very least by phone

Has your email ever been hacked? If so, how did you go about getting it fixed?

Recently a Mom in the City reader (who is heading to NYC to see Fences) asked for some suggestions. She wanted to have a nice early lunch and wanted to hire a car service. She is only only going to be in town for the day so she wanted to hang out in SOHO.

Below was my input:

-If you’re going to use a car service, try www.Dial7.com. (If it’s just for getting around in the city though, it’s just as easy to catch the subway/hail a cab on the street.)

-Since you’re going to be spending most of your time in SOHO, I suggest checking out the website http://www.sohonyc.com/

-(Mercer Kitchen is a great place to eat and http://www.balthazarbakery.com/home.php has great takeout desserts.)

-There are a lot of shopping places (Prada viewing?) Frommers has a Soho section that gives a glimpse of what you will find.

If any of you are SoHo fans, do you have any other suggestions to share?

This past weekend, my husband and I attended a parenting seminar. The first section was focused more on overseeing youth and family groups. (My husband and I work with the Children’s Ministry in our church.) That was pretty fun and informative. No sweat.

THEN, we attended the second section which specifically talked about parenting newborns to kindergarten aged kids. Personally, I love to learn from people who are going through AND those who have already been through the certain stage of life that I am going through. That is why I liked this class – it had both types of teachers. Overall, I felt good about how my husband and I are raising our kids. We are not perfect (by any means!) but we are doing our best and our boys are thriving, happy kids.

One area was discussed that I want to (and will!) get better about…the television. One of the teachers from the parenting class threw out a friendly challenge…to put the television away for a week to see what happens/how beneficial that time could be for the family. I knew that I was not going to do that any time soon (maybe in the summer). However, I did make a mental note to check the recommended daily allowance for television and to stick to that. On the way home, I checked one of my favorite parenting resources, kidshealth.org. The answer:
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under age 2 have no screen time, and that kids older than 2 watch no more than 1 to 2 hours a day of quality programming.
Since I’m pretty sure that 1 -2 hours a day, for my kids includes everything — TV, interactive video games, and the Internet, I knew that I had some work to do.

Honestly, it is easier with Michael. He is at school most of the day and we spend time together as a family in the evening and on the weekends we are often out and about. It is more challenging with Sean, because he is with me all day. I don’t normally use the television as a babysitter, but there are definitely times when I will pop in a movie when I need some uninterrupted work time. That would be fine if I didn’t have to include Michael’s screen time in with Sean’s. (Even though it’s not “Sean’s show”, he will usually watch what Michael is watching.) Argh.

Initially, my family was not happy with with my new revised “2 hours or less” screen time a day plan. Their reactions:

My husband: “I KNEW that you were going to do this as soon as they mentioned television woman!” (He knows me so well. I don’t go places to learn without taking SOMETHING back to apply practically.) “That doesn’t include me and my weekend sports games, does it?”

Michael: (At the end of each night, I ask him what was his favorite and not favorite part of the day.) “My not favorite part was you going to learn how to be a good parent. I want my tv!” I couldn’t stop myself from laughing because he said it with a smirk and a smile.

Sean: (I told him that we wouldn’t be turning the tv on so much because the tv needed to get “more rest”.) “Which tv needs rest? Yours and Daddy’s or the one in the room?” As he continued to speak, I realized that he was hoping that he could see “tv” on the main television the linving room that has cable on it AND watch his favorite DVDs on the television in my bedroom that doesn’t have cable on it. Smart kid, but uh…no.

It has only been a couple of days since instituting this new policy. I don’t know what “my guys” were bothered about. I’m the one who has to micro-schedule my day so that I can get work/blogging/etc. done during the day in 2 1/2 hours or less. (If Sean takes a nap that gives me a total of 2 1/2 hours. That nap is my new best friend!) I’m not complaining though. I am very grateful for this time that I get to spend with Sean. When I think of the fact that he will be in full day school in a few years, I want to hold these moments as tightly as possible.

In any event, we’ll see how the new screen time guidelines go. Enough about me…how much screen time are your kids getting a day? Do you think that the AAP guidelines are reasonable?

A new study suggest that spanking toddlers may cause an increase in aggressive kindergartners. Personally, I choose not to spank my kids. Michael responds better to time outs (away from everyone else) because he is a social creature/thrives on being around other people. Sean is more of an introvert/could care less about a time out, so consequences – such as taking away his favorite thing for a period of time – works better for him. (Sean also has a really soft conscience, so it doesn’t take much for him to be truly sorry and to change his behavior.) Although, I don’t spank, I have some reservations about this study and it’s findings:

1. For one thing, I have a problem with research studies overall. I remember when I took an “Evidence and Research” class while at Columbia. I was so shocked to learn that you can basically make a study say (almost) anything that you like based on the variables that you decide to include/leave out. I have turned a wary eye to every study since then.

2. I find it ironic when studies conclude that something “may” have a certain effect. (So, then are you saying that it may not?)

3. Only 2500 mothers were surveyed. What percentage of the population is that? Very minimal.

4. In my opinion, it is impossible to account for different variables across households. I really don’t think that you can “controll” other factors that affect child aggression. These researchers did not have the kids in the exact same environment over the period of the study.

In most areas of life, I am a “Pollyanna”, but not when it comes to sudy “findings”. Maybe I’m a cynic in this area, but I think that (often) the researchers find the evidence to suppor what they already suspect. Yes, I believe (like studies show) that children imitate their parents behavior, but I also think that children are smart enough to know that they are not other kids’ parents in regards to “corporal” punishment!

Do I think that spanking should be a common, first resort line of discipline? No. Do I think that an occasional spank will make a kid turn into an aggressive bully later in life? No. My opinion: unless you are abusing your child, it is not my business how you choose to discipline them. (Yes, I do believe that there is a difference between a parent making a pre-meditated decision to choose spanking as a “last resort” form of discipline than a crazy out-of-control “beating at whim” parent.)

In any event, the study is available online at http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/. Judge for yourself. What do you think…does spanking children make them more aggressive later in life?

Whether we like it or not, a historic event occured earlier today when President Barack Obama signed a nearly $1 trillion health care overhaul. Friends and family have been calling me to talk about their thoughts/hear my opinions. It has been interesting to hear some of the misconceptions. In one conversation alone, a friend asked me what I thought about the fact that we would have to pay for people’s abortions (not true – health plans aren’t required to cover abortions); that they heard the government would now get to choose whether or not the elderly would stay on life support (I don’t know where that one came from.); that there would be no more private insurance (not true; people can keep their coverage; it’s the people who don’t have coverage that can get it through state-based exchanges); etc. Honestly, I had no answers during the conversation. There has been so much bitter fighting around this issue and so many things changed from the beginning to the end, that I really didn’t know what was a part of it! That’s why I did my own research. In brief, here’s what I especially like, don’t like and just find weird about the plan:

Likes:

-I like that under this plan every U.S. citizen will have the right to insurance coverage. I believe that insurance should be a right, not a privilege.

-As a mom, the thing that I like the most about the plan is that it prevents insurance companies from denying coverage to children because of pre-existing conditions and from canceling policies because someone gets sick. It is already hard enough emotionally for parents who have sick kids. They should not have to worry about excessive medical fees. Even with insurance, medical bills can be exorbitant so whatever relief parents can get…I’m all for it.

Dislikes:
-I’m not too excited about the increase in taxes on investment income and on wages of “high income” people. Personally, I believe that everyone should be taxed on the same scale across the board (and just not be able to find legal loopholes to wiggle out of paying their fair share!).

-I’m also not that keen on employer responsibility (for companies with 51+ employees) for worker coverage subsidies. For some reason, I still think of companies with less than 100 employees as small businesses. I have “a thing” for supporting smal businesses, so I really hope that this does not bring an unbearable burden on such companies.

Weird:
-This isn’t something that I really care about either way, but I just found it weird that $2.7 billion of the funds to pay for this overhaul will come from a tax on indoor tanning services. All of the other ways to pay for it make logical sense to me. I just don’t get the tanning services connection. (If you do, please explain it to me.)

In any event, we will see if the Senate ends up approving the package. Either way, life will go on. Hopefully, the next thing that the country can “overhaul” is this poisonous political divide that has infected our country. No matter who “wins” or “loses”, we’re all Americans and we’re all in this together. Honestly, I’ve never seen anything like this outright political animosity in my lifetime. Although I am a “Pollyanna” by nature, I don’t think that people need to agree on everything politically, but I do think that it is important that people at least get their facts straight. A friend joked, “Please tell me that you don’t vote Republican.” My response, “I vote for whomever I feel best fits my political ideals. Many times it happens to be Democratic candidates, but sometimes it happens to be Republicans. I, for one, am not a “follow the party line” type of woman. I have my own mind and think/vote accordingly.” As a mom, that is how I want to raise my children…to think for themselves!

If you would like to see a more in-depth coverage of the proposed overhaul, you can read:

- A Look at Obama’s Health Care Overhaul Law (ABC News)

- How The Health Bill Could Affect You (NPR)

And

- Timeline: When health care reform will affect you (CNN.com)

So, what do you think about the health care overhaul. Yay or nay? What do you consider to be the good, the bad (and the weird!)?

I am constantly reading (and agree) about the importance of “the family table”. Basically, all sorts of good things happen when families eat dinner (or other meals) together more often. We make an effort to have dinner together most nights. Last week was a little hectic with my husband’s schedule so we only ate dinner all together on Friday and Saturday nights.

One of the things that I love about eating together is that we have a wide variety of conversations. On Saturday night, (part of) the conversation went like this:

Michael: What do you want me to be when I grow up?

Sean: You could be a Princess…like Princess Tiana. You just need a green dress. (Awww.)

That conversation with my husband and kids kind of hit on a theme that has been swirling in my head the last couple of weeks. It started with another table conversation a couple of weeks ago. We had a triple date with some friends. During the dinner conversation, I was challenged to use my parenting and speaking skills to do a series of free workshops in lower-income communities. It was a good challenge. I definitely like to contribute in other ways. Later though, I was “whelmed” with the idea of adding another thing to my (more than full) schedule.

Next, I went to an R Baby Foundation event (which I will write more about later) which explored passions, priorities and community. I left the luncheon event really questioning my passions and community outreach. I do a lot of charitable work, but it is kind of scattered. There is nothing especially wrong with that. However, it can be overwhelming at times. There are a gazillion and one great charities and it is impossible for me to support (time, money, etc.) each of them. I think that I want to figure out what I’m especially passionate about and put my focus there.

Lastly, I had one more conversation (around yet another table!) that sparked something in me. A girlfriend of mines mentioned that she was going to be teaching a class at a local college. It was just one class, but that fit perfectly in her schedule. I have been wondering what I would like to do next. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a teacher, because I have always loved learning and teaching others what I have learned. Over the years, the idea of teaching in a school flew out of the window. (I am not a morning person and I hate bureaucracy.) Now, I’m considering getting my Master’s degree so that I can lecture at the college level. Now, I just have to figure out my focus (business, history, sociology, family counseling, ?). What is great / the thing that I love the most about leaving in this age is that I don’t have to figure everything out in a day. Since this current stage of my life (mom of young kids) has unwrapped in such wonderful, unexpected ways, I’m excited to see what the next few years have in store!

On a total side note, a high school friend posted a picture of me from when I was in high school. I’m going to 37 in few months, so this picture was taken almost 20 years ago. Where did the time go?!

(Stealing from Michael) What do you want to be when you grow up?